For context, we (Toby, The Mighty Q and I) were chatting over dinner a week or two ago. We talked about how Toby reads books super fast, and how I read really slowly.
Q said he liked when I read out loud to him still (awwww) and I said I thought that was maybe why I read so slowly – I actually feel like I’m reading out loud, but in my head. Thankfully they got what I meant.
I mentioned how I thought it was so amazing how our brains all worked differently – like how I basically have a running narrative most of the day and that I discovered that most people can actually picture things in their mind. Both Q and Toby stopped and demanded an explanation.
I explained that someone had posted something on FB and asked whether people could picture things in their minds and I realised that that meant some people COULD do this.
You see where I’m going right?
I cannot. I close my eyes. I see darkness. I can see light shadows – like actual light shadows, if you look at a bright light though a grill and close your eyes and you see the grill and light still? That’s what I mean.
But like, close your eyes and imagine an apple? My brain can describe an apple but I cannot SEE an apple. I see darkness and my never-stop-talking brain tells me about what I am thinking about.
A couple days later Toby asks “have you heard of aphantasia?” (turns out he was watching YouTube and a video came up and because we had just been talking about it he watched…)
Me: hmmm is that when you can like smell colours, or taste sounds?
Toby: no, that’s synesthesia. Aphantasia is when you cannot see images in your mind.
Huh. It has a name. Wiki link here.
First an objection – the definition: or at least the etymology:
derived from the ancient Greek word phantasia (φαντασία), which means “imagination”, and the prefix a- (ἀ-), which means “without”
Oh dude – I have GOT an imagination thank you very much. I am working on stopping, or at least slowing down, the worry spirals I go on imagining all the possible negative outcomes etc. Lack of imagination ain’t my issue.
I just don’t see pictures in my brain. And I really didn’t think very much about it because it’s the way it’s always been. My brain talks to me, it doesn’t show me pictures.
WAIT a minute.
My brain doesn’t show me pictures – when I am awake.
I definitely dream. And I have – what I have also discovered is weird / unique – the ability to remember my dreams a lot of the time and to influence what I am dreaming. Like to the point where if I wake up but want to go back and see how it ends, then if I can drift off to sleep again I pick the dream right back up like if it was just a commercial break and the program resumes. And I usually know that I’m dreaming and can change the story if needed.
So there you go. First post in ages and I thought I’d share something about me.